Album Review - The Sound of Girls Aloud: The Greatest Hits

One of Britain's most successful girl groups ever, Girls Aloud epitomize the very meaning of the word 'product'. Randomly handpicked by a fame hungry clown and two integral imbeciles (Gerry Halliwell, Pete Waterman and Louis Walsh, respectively) in the awful reality show Popstars :The Rivals, the group was destined to be yet another one among the masses of barely tolerable one-hit-wonders that the music industry uses to momentarily increase its revenues, and then discards mercilessly and without a second thought. What is it, then, that makes this group even remotely interesting? What has saved them from oblivion?

The answer would be, I think,style in banality. Girls Aloud are not the prettiest girls, have barely mediocre voices and lack the ability to construct a coherent phrase after making considerable collective efforts. This doesn't make them any different from hundreds of other retarded tarts that try to hit the charts nowadays, I know, but the truth is that success behind this group's talent for crass mediocrity seems to be its presentation. Yes, the girls are good at two things: they do what they're told, and mime coyly to bizarre pop songs the impact of which is great enough as to eclipse the greasy, grimy Council Estate aura that emanates from these five petty chavette prototypes.



Thus, after 5 years of touring, grating interviews and ever changing hairdos, Girls Aloud present us with what possibly is the high point of their career: an album containing their impressive (in chart terms) collection of hits, which manages to both make an objective presentation of their talents while gracefully describing what’s so wrong with the group. And it’s precisely there where things lead us to the question: how have they managed to keep going?! The drunken-chant-on-a-Saturday-night-out approach that is given to most of the choruses, combined with the chaotic verse-swapping of which the group’s producers are so fond, expose Girls Aloud for what it is; an impersonal, over-tried formula that’s been (for once) well-directed by record company executives, and little else.

What is it, then, that should make us buy this album? The answer is in the music. While often slipping into self-parody with downright idiotic lyrics that wouldn’t look out of place in a ten-year-old’s personal diary, the way in which the strange, hook-ridden melodies are presented is simply irresistible, and attests to both the originality and acute commercial instinct of songwriters Xenomania. From the opening guitar riffs of their irresistible first hits Sound Of The Underground and No Good Advice to the last skipping beats and distorted guitar effects of their absolutely dismal version of Tiffany’s rebellious puppy love ‘classic’ I Think We’re Alone Now, the richly textured backgrounds to which the girls whine are the very stuff of innovation, and that’s exactly what sets them apart from every other clone-band.

No Good Advice



Another thing that can be observed while listening to this collection is the stylistic linearity that the group has followed, from the techno-tinged faux rock with Bananarama-esque vocals of their beginnings to the gradually more aggressive electric guitar-licked dance sound of their later offerings, Girls Aloud has evolved into a smoothly running machine that easily produces instant-perfect disposable pop with impressive comfort. This transition can easily be appreciated in the bombastic Wake Me Up, blossoming in its apparent continuation, the inescapable Something Kinda Ooh, both of which explode into the listener’s ears with an overabundance of instrumental layers that both bury and highlight the melodies’ alternation of shocking counterpoints and endless hooks.

Wake Me Up

Something Kinda Ooh



The problems start when the girls step away from the fast running beat train that carries their few memorable moments. While experiments like Long Hot Summer, Biology and the doo-wop styled ballad Whole Lotta History manage to be cute thanks to their careful crafted melodies, running along them there are disastrous accidents like the simply insufferable concoctions The Show and the unclassifiable Love Machine: genuinely odd moments that bare the girls’ soul-less squawking and lack of interpretive skills, while offending the listener’s ears with simply irritating, aimless tunes. The ballads don’t fare much better, being most attempts disastrous dog’s breakfasts covered in pretty garnish. From the beautiful guitar introduction of Life Got Cold (which goes from spoken dullness to whispered narcotic in no time) to their monotonous, lazily-walking-by-the-notes covers of I’ll Stand By You and DC Lee’s gorgeous ode to unrequited love See The Day, the dramatic impact of which is sadly wasted by an amateurish delivery and paper thin vocals, and is only tolerable because of the original melody’s sheer beauty.

Whole Lotta History

Long Hot Summer

See The Day

Thus, here finishes this month’s review! I hope you like it and I didn’t bore you too much with my unclear writing. :-) If you like the songs I've posted, please go to buy the album at Amazon or HMV.

The Graces of British Soul - Eternal

Saying that Eternal are the best group to ever come out of Britain is an understatement. No one can come close to touching them because, quite frankly, no one can match the exceptional vocal talents of its members. Or better said, three of them. The most interesting thing about Eternal is that they gracefully progressed from somewhat tepid R&B-tinged bubblegum to full-fledged soul tour-de-forces in a very short period of time, deploying an astounding degree of musical finesse and good taste in the process. Their rise to the top of the charts can only be described as a shooting star: wonderful, but ultimately too brief and ending in unperturbed darkness (my attempts at figurative writing are awful, I know). Something that is also very curious about them is that their music was tailor made to fit the tastes of American audiences, but most of their attempts to break the American market failed miserably.

Founded in 1993 by four members of London’s prestigious Italian Conti Academy stage school, the group met success almost instantly with the hip hop-ish 'Stay', which rose to number 4 in the charts and paved the way for their enormously successful début album the next year. The girls soon followed with a string of Top 10 hits that established them as one of Britain’s most successful bands ever. Later next year, the group’s only weak vocalist, the ‘there-just-for-ornamental-purposes’ member Louise Nurding left the band amidst some controversy – she was the only white member, and it was suggested that the other girls, along with the group’s management, had pushed her out so that their chances to become successful in the US would increase. This has, however, been denied by everyone including Louise, who went to become a hugely successful performer in her own right, even if said success was also short-lived.



From there Eternal went to produce some of the best, most beautiful and sophisticated soul/pop ever – forget those annoying old crones The Supremes: all of Eternal’s members can sing circles around them (even Louise), and their material is light years ahead of anything that that whiny-voiced skeleton Diana Ross has ever squawked. However, the massive international success they deserved seemed to elude them, and outside the UK their efforts have fared is a somewhat patchy fashion: some of them have stormed the charts, while some others have just had a mediocre reception. Still, Eternal are the only British girl band who can say that they broke the Top 20 in the US and became very successful in Asia and Australia before the Spice Clowns vomited their filthy musical detritus in our ears.

After many glorious hits, Eternal became tangled in internal struggles that would ultimately bring their demise. Fed up of sharing the spotlight, sisters Vernie and Easter (who has a voice that can easily match Whitney Houston’s once perfect instrument), unceremoniously kicked out Kéllé Bryan, who was inexplicably unsuccessful as a solo artist, and after trying to replace her, released a less than sterling album that critics inexplicably loved. However, sales were dismal and Eternal were almost immediately dropped by their record company. This event was part of the debacle that rocked First Avenue Management and would also destroy Dina Carroll’s career (find more about her here) .



Anyway, if you want to buy any one of Eternal’s albums, go here.

Save Our Love

This is, in my opinion, the best track from Eternal’s début album. The production is impeccable and the beat has an urgency that invites you to dance, but doesn’t keep you from appreciating the beauty of the melody, the catchy chorus or the superb vocals. It is also very pleasant as background music (as all of their early offerings), and will lift your mood whenever you’re feeling down. Just what bubblegum ought to be.

Someday

The theme song for Disney’s nasty raping of Victor Hugo’s masterpiece 'The Hunchback of Nôtre Dame', this is one of the most beautiful songs that Eternal ever sang, which is saying a lot. In was released everywhere except in the US, where it was given to the infinitely less talented All-4-One. However, it was a massive hit worldwide, and is one of the finest tracks in their masterful sophomore album, Power Of A Woman. Truly delightful. Video.

Don’t You Love Me?

This is the gorgeous first single for their third album Before The Rain – like I Wanna Be The Only One (keep reading), it was a huge hit, but this song has more merit because it’s very unconventional: there are not many displays of vocal power or range in it, and it addresses social issues such as poverty, racial isolation and homelessness in a naïve, yet very charming way. Needless to say, I LOVE this song, as it’s one of their best. Video.

I Wanna Be The Only One – duet with BeBe Winans

This is just Heavenly (yes, with a capital H). It is the group’s only number 1 hit, and is one of the fondest memories I have of my adolescence – when I first heard it, I fell in love with them and have religiously followed everything they’ve done ever since. Probably most of you already know about it, but just allow me to say that it is a VERY well deserved hit that ought to have won the award for the Best Single category in the BRIT Awards, instead of All Saint’s soporific and shitty Never Ever. The original video is nice enough, but I'd rather post this awesome live performance.

Finally, I’d like to say that I’ve had a really difficult time finding photos of Eternal (I’d never post scans – I hate them), and none of them had all the girls together – that’s why I’ve had to post gorgeous Louise’s photo apart. Sorry. :-)

The Rose of British Soul - Dina Carroll

Dina Carroll's story is one of constant struggle against adversity - which, sadly, she has frequently lost. She was born to an Afro-American G.I. father and an English mother who separated when she was two. After this, Dina and her mother went to live to Cambridge, where Dina was often a victim of racist bullying due to her mixed heritage. This, however, didn't keep her from participating (and often winning) many talent competitions, and when she entered her teens she started sending tapes to recording companies in London. She was soon signed to a tiny label called Streetwave. Sadly, the label couldn't support launching Dina even at a local level, and she left them soon enough. Unfairly ignored, she decided to go to the U.S. to gain some experience. There she was signed by Jive/Zomba, and the rest is pop/soul history!

Dina met the success she deserves with her first album, which was the first album by any British female artist to break the 1 million sales mark in less than a year. However, her hectic touring schedule and problems with her contract delayed the release of her second album, and when it was released, reception was, well, blah... success could have been greater, but Dina developed a disease that affected her hearing, and this almost destroyed her career.

A couple of years later, after corrective surgery , she was staging her comeback when her management company entered in crisis: most of their artists, who had been really successful until then, were dropped by their record companies - at the same time! Needless to say, this didn't help Dina's career, and she left both her recording company and her management after a couple of very bad years.

Dina has been touring since then, as many of her songs remain popular to this day. Sadly, she is still looking for a new contract... Since she needs all the help she can get, I would really recommend you to buy her AWESOME records. You can do so at Amazon.



It's Too Late featuring Quartz

This was Dina's first substantial success, with the production team Quartz. It's a cover of the Carole King classic (No! Really? You must be asking yourselves - I amsooo bright, ain't I? :-D ), and it features some really interesting production that suits the song really well - who would have imagined that a Carole King song could be reworked as a rousing dance anthem? Here, Quartz did it with the help of Dina's spectacular vocals, which make her version a classic on its own right. Video.

Ain't No Man

This is FUN! Seriously, this is one of the best dance songs I've heard. Yes, the production's a bit dated, but this song would have been a classic at any point in history regardless of the production it could have had. Here Dina shows what a diva truly is with her wonderfully unaffected and cheerful delivery. Unlike other singers (ehrm, Beyoncé? Christina?), Dina manages to communicate sensuality without having to look like a total whore. Isn't that what a diva is all about? Class? Yeah! That's Dina for you all. Video.

Escaping
This is a really, really sweet song, the first single off her second album, Only Human. This song will lift your mood even at your worst times, even if the lyrics are a bit sad - the melody is lovely and bright and you can almost feel yourself being filled with light as this song progresses. Gorgeous stuff :-). Video.


Son Of A Preacher Man

This is Dina's somewhat urban-ish version of the Dusty Springfield classic. Now, I have always liked Dusty, but I have to say that Dina's version is a thousand times better. Dina's voice is far richer, has more weight and is much, much more beautiful. Her delivery of the song is not self-conscious at all, but she sings the lyrics with a certain flair of mischievousness that really captures the message behind them. Again, lovely.